Who Am I?

I had to literally google "how to log into my blog".

This space has been on my mind for a while.

Writing has always been a part of my life in some way and I have been writing a lot in the last couple of months. It's beautiful how putting words onto paper brings a sense of order to the mind.

When I started this blog almost five years ago, my aim was to create an online space that would serve as a diary for my children to look back upon our lives. I wanted to also share ideas, express thought, connect with different people and hopefully build an environment of kindness, growth and friendship. Sometimes I got it right but mostly, I got caught up in a facade of the toxic perfectionism that exists in the social media world.

Recent events in my life have allowed me to shed layers and as a result uncover a me that I'm starting to enjoy. And I owe this evolving self to each trial that has unfolded in recent years and years of old and yes for it all I am indeed grateful. If you had told me that in 2018 I would sit and write about enduring a trial with gratitude, I would've laughed and it would've been a cynical laugh. That memory alone reminds me of how far I've come. It especially reminds me of how kind the Lord has been.

Often I've come to think of Job. Not to say that my experiences were anywhere near the realm of what Job endured. Yet still, there's much to take away from what he came to learn. Job was already a man of God when his afflictions began. Even in the toughest of moments he chose to worship Heavenly Father. His experience specifically touched me when God expressed His Magnificence. And it became clear that (wo)man, will never be able to fully understand why/how our Father in Heaven does what He does.

This was particularly significant to me as I was on a journey of gaining further understanding in what is meant by having an eternal perspective. At first I saw this term in the same thought as "not sweating the small stuff". But now I've come to see that we are in fact eternal beings. Our lives did not start on earth and life doesn't end on earth. It is not the straight line of birth and death as commonly understood. As we experience the day to day of this life, it is easy to forget that we are souls, having an earthly experience. Since we've chosen to have this earthly experience, we need to recognize and accept that good things happen and bad things happen. Sometimes at our own doing and at other times it is at the hand of someone else exercising their agency.

If you happen to find yourself in the latter position, know that you have an opportunity to either play part by being a victim, or to rise up as a victor. The victorious path is honestly the harder right. It takes work. It takes you through a deeply personal encounter where you come face to face with yourself. And in facing yourself, it becomes crucial to ask: Who Am I?

Who are you when the world is asleep? Who are you when tough decisions need to be made? Who are you when there isn't a human being to lean on? Who are you when you're faced with hatred and fear? Who are you when others are attempting to tear down what's left of you? Who are you when the life you had created, no longer exists? Who are you in those moments?

In my young life I've had an opportunity to experience some raw emotions. And it was through the 2017 raw emotion phase that I was brought to my knees also asking Who Am I? Intuitively, I knew that answering that question would determine whether or not the tough period ahead would be a time of suffering or a time of learning. And so in those early days, a moment of anxiety was altered into an opportunity to be still and remember Who I Am.

Who Am I? I am the spiritual daughter of the Supreme Governor of the Universe. Every cell in my body was dreamed up by Him and because He is my Father in Heaven I have the power to create an earthly experience that is beyond even my wildest dreams. Who Am I? I am a living, breathing, prayer. That is who I Am. Why? Because of Whose I Am.

Now, Who Are You?