Friday 6 July 2018

New direction

Hey friends,

I'm looking into changing the content of the blog to serve a bigger purpose. I don't know about you but every time I'm on social media I walk away thinking that I'm somehow behind, whether that's in parenting or life in general. When I started noticing this feeling I realized that complaining wasn't helping. Instead I'd like to be a part of my own solution. We can all agree that the internet is not going anywhere and that social media is firmly a part of our lives and will continue to be so as technology advances. With that, I find it important to learn to have a healthier relationship with the spaces we communicate our lives on.

While thinking about all of the above I thought to make this blog a place of encouragement instead of comparison. And to kick off this experience I'm starting with a series of interviews highlighting ordinary people who have overcome extraordinary phases in their lives.

I'd like each person who reads the blog to walk away feeling either inspired, hopeful and seeing the more positive aspects of their lives more brightly.

Looking forward to hearing your life aha moments!

Tuesday 12 June 2018

Hope

Happy June friends.

I thought to write a message of hope.

Often life gives us an opportunity to grow beyond our interest. Have you ever felt that your crossroads are too challenging to overcome?

It is in such moments that we need to ask ourselves intelegent questions of growth. Such as: What is this supposed to teach me?

It is too easy to fall under the trap of doubt. Doubting your ability to overcome, to grow and to learn. Every life obstacle is an opportunity. It is a glorious gift that should be honored.

There's a quote I love which says "doubt your doubts before you doubt your faith".

Stay in the course of your life and become a student of your circumstances. It is better to learn than to worry.

My love to you.


Tuesday 30 January 2018

Your Beautiful

I've found myself getting more and more obsessed with YouTube beauty gurus.

These women are talented. Some are professional makeup artists while others are skilled moms who just know how to work a brush and blend really well. They are self educated in make-up brands and have developed undeniable capabilities in face transformation. And it is clear that their passion is an art form.

One of the most popular of this art form is contouring. And when it first became a phenomenon I too was intrigued at the idea of a higher jaw line. Although I'll admit that I could never cultivate the time nor the patience to get it right. I have a deep respect for those who do schedule moments to follow a rigorous makeup routine. But just like art class in high school, this is a subject I probably wouldn't pass. Here, the skin is the canvas and each woman works with textures, colours, a variety of brushes, there's even a primer and something to set or bake the face. And this remarkable process is to create their individual version of beauty.

This version of that beauty is based on the subconscious definition of what is attractive in their eyes. They don't paint their faces to attract men, it is to tell the world who they are. To bring out whatever level of confidence lies beneath the skin.

It is their skin.

The layer which they choose to show the world. And yes one might argue that it's just make up. But is it? Can you tell someone who has spent 45mins to an hour to create a "beat face", that it's just makeup?

This multi billion dollar industry is clearly a significant part of most women's lives, regardless of colour or background. And I myself have contributed my own cents to those billions. Just as the YouTube beauty gurus, I too want to look my best, even with my poor blending skills. While watching one of these tutorials I heard my favorite Youtuber refer to her contour kit as a "nose job in a container". Before continuing, let's give her credit for the play in words. It was these words that made me pause, re-watch and listen again. I was then interrupted by the still small voice in my head. That voice whispered to me something that I immediately wanted to reject..."could contouring be a subtle form of racism against self"?

After further thought I began to see that contouring presents yet another unattainable beauty standard. The world has momentarily shifted from the focus on a thinner frame and replaced it with an emphasis on a thinner face. The connecting fiber here of course is that society's perceived standard of beauty continues to be the eurocentric ideal. In a general sense, black women have a wider nose. And again, generally speaking, Asian women have rounder faces. And with these thoughts, this technique just leaves me feeling unsettled.

And while we're here, let's explore the idea of what is meant by looking your best? Does it mean your nose needs to appear slimmer, thanks to the nose job in a box. Does your face really need to create an illusion of being something either than what it truly is?

As previously mentioned, I too have added my coins to the continuously booming makeup industry. Yet with recent purchases I've found it crucial to question my intention. Am I buying this to hide myself? Is this to enhance what is already there? And if it is to hide seeming imperfections, I try to remember that every action is born from a thought which comes from a feeling. And those feelings are real. They often come from a place of not feeling enough as I am. It is needing to change some aspect of myself to fit whatever is the current "look" in order to be seen as an attractive woman. Because let's face it, we live in a space where it is mostly us women who are expected to change our natural appearance, so that the world can fit us into a box of their understanding.

Is it possible to accept me as just me? To accept you as just you?

Why does confidence have to be the result of an adjusted face?

Does that self assurance still exist if there's no makeup at hand? And yes, I've heard it said that in order to feel your best you need to look your best. If that is true, then surely the work needs to be done in deciding what your best really is.

Then maybe looking your best may need to come from feeling your best. And I dare say that our best cannot be defined by an altered image.

Even as I write this I am conflicted as I admire the work that goes into creating a makeup look. Yet I despise the notion that beauty is designated to one certain look. It's a bland thought that needs to pass over. And at the risk of sounding cliche, beauty needs to be left undefined and surely unrestricted.

Monday 22 January 2018

Who Am I?

I had to literally google "how to log into my blog".

This space has been on my mind for a while.

Writing has always been a part of my life in some way and I have been writing a lot in the last couple of months. It's beautiful how putting words onto paper brings a sense of order to the mind.

When I started this blog almost five years ago, my aim was to create an online space that would serve as a diary for my children to look back upon our lives. I wanted to also share ideas, express thought, connect with different people and hopefully build an environment of kindness, growth and friendship. Sometimes I got it right but mostly, I got caught up in a facade of the toxic perfectionism that exists in the social media world.

Recent events in my life have allowed me to shed layers and as a result uncover a me that I'm starting to enjoy. And I owe this evolving self to each trial that has unfolded in recent years and years of old and yes for it all I am indeed grateful. If you had told me that in 2018 I would sit and write about enduring a trial with gratitude, I would've laughed and it would've been a cynical laugh. That memory alone reminds me of how far I've come. It especially reminds me of how kind the Lord has been.

Often I've come to think of Job. Not to say that my experiences were anywhere near the realm of what Job endured. Yet still, there's much to take away from what he came to learn. Job was already a man of God when his afflictions began. Even in the toughest of moments he chose to worship Heavenly Father. His experience specifically touched me when God expressed His Magnificence. And it became clear that (wo)man, will never be able to fully understand why/how our Father in Heaven does what He does.

This was particularly significant to me as I was on a journey of gaining further understanding in what is meant by having an eternal perspective. At first I saw this term in the same thought as "not sweating the small stuff". But now I've come to see that we are in fact eternal beings. Our lives did not start on earth and life doesn't end on earth. It is not the straight line of birth and death as commonly understood. As we experience the day to day of this life, it is easy to forget that we are souls, having an earthly experience. Since we've chosen to have this earthly experience, we need to recognize and accept that good things happen and bad things happen. Sometimes at our own doing and at other times it is at the hand of someone else exercising their agency.

If you happen to find yourself in the latter position, know that you have an opportunity to either play part by being a victim, or to rise up as a victor. The victorious path is honestly the harder right. It takes work. It takes you through a deeply personal encounter where you come face to face with yourself. And in facing yourself, it becomes crucial to ask: Who Am I?

Who are you when the world is asleep? Who are you when tough decisions need to be made? Who are you when there isn't a human being to lean on? Who are you when you're faced with hatred and fear? Who are you when others are attempting to tear down what's left of you? Who are you when the life you had created, no longer exists? Who are you in those moments?

In my young life I've had an opportunity to experience some raw emotions. And it was through the 2017 raw emotion phase that I was brought to my knees also asking Who Am I? Intuitively, I knew that answering that question would determine whether or not the tough period ahead would be a time of suffering or a time of learning. And so in those early days, a moment of anxiety was altered into an opportunity to be still and remember Who I Am.

Who Am I? I am the spiritual daughter of the Supreme Governor of the Universe. Every cell in my body was dreamed up by Him and because He is my Father in Heaven I have the power to create an earthly experience that is beyond even my wildest dreams. Who Am I? I am a living, breathing, prayer. That is who I Am. Why? Because of Whose I Am.

Now, Who Are You?

Sunday 6 November 2016

Update on life with kids

It seems that October was a busy blurr ! So much so that I didn't even write once. Let's catch up:

Zuri: the little missy is a ray of sunshine and is acting much like an 18 months old baby! I feel incredibly spoiled to be her mom because basically Zuri is raising herself. I'm merely a facilitator of her needs. She taught herself to walk, run, climb and now she's potty training herself. She seldom asks for my assistance and when she does I'm usually in shock that she still needs me. Oh and the best part, she loves to sing! And her favorites are the Happy birthday song and I'm a Child of God. Her current struggles are surviving life with an older brother who loves her yet taunts her often. She's had to toughen up and maybe that's why she plays better with older kids and treats her peers as if they are babies. Words I could use to describe my little Zuri: ambitious, head strong, persuasive, intelligent, calculating, energetic, decisive and incredibly loving. I really don't know what I've done to be appointed as her mother. Raising Zuri is like watching a flower blossom. Beautifully effortless. She knows who she is. She just needs the rest of us around her to give her the means to pursue her mission in this life. It's hard not to sound like you're bragging when talking about her. Everything about her is extra. Nothing ordinary. So with her I live in absolute awe, waiting to see what's next and praying that I'll be able to rise up and be what she needs when she needs it. I must also include that she gives the most embracing, heart warming hugs!

Urijah: Baby boy is now 4yrs old! His birthday was in October and we threw him a surprise birthday party (at his request). I stayed up all night to make the party a reality and Zuri stayed by my side, playing and tasting the food. The little sleep sacrifice was worth a seeing Urijah's face light up as his friends shouted 'surprise'. This four year old is very social! He has more friends than all of us put together. He's still as busy as ever. If he's not challenging Zuri's every move, he's playing with his trucks outside, reading books (from memory), making up stories as he builds with his Legos. He also enjoys pretending to be a fireman a goes around the house saving people. Zuri is often an unwilling participant of these games! Being so social means that our calendar is mostly marked with Urijah's playdates. Regarding development, he continues to be very articulate and is able to memorize passages of scripture. The memorization came in handy! As far he's done 1 talk in primary and also recited the 10th article of faith. The only tough moments with this guy is when he is overly tired. That's when the tantrum monster pops out! Either than that, he's a mommy's boy. Words to describe Urijah: thoughtful, sensitive, articulate, a dreamer, humorous, creative and genuinely happy.

And dear husband and I? We're definitely not as interesting as the kids lol!



Wednesday 21 September 2016

Soccer practice

The weather is perfect this evening.

I'm relaxing on the grass (must add that I've changed my spot twice already - trying to run from the sun) and enjoying the smell of the changing seasons. Don't you just love the change of seasons? So synonymous with life. We all go through our individual seasons, some are enjoyable and others we just endure. But all are necessary for our personal growth. 

Now back to the grass, it's Urijah's soccer practice today and I'm glad we chose to sign him up. I've noticed that I tend to be a mom who hovers over her kids so I think it's healthy to sit back and allow him to be taught something by someone else. He's enjoying learning a new skill and socializing with new friends. And I've noticed that he wants to appear all grown up, even telling me "mom don't fuss!" as I helped him tie his shoe laces. Don't fuss? And he said this looking super embarrassed of me helping him. Goodness, when did my little boy get so big!? Luckily I still have Zuri to baby:)

Just heard Urijah asking the coach "why do you take the ball away!"...I'd also be frustrated at 3yrs old if I'm trying to score and someone takes the ball away. It's hilarious watching him make sense of this game. And now one of the players just burst out into tears because she can't find her ball (it's apparently right in front of her). One of the kids is busy collecting the cones they use for the drill exercises which confuses the other little players. Some are sitting on the field daydreaming! Oops, their goal post just fell over. Aw man, the life of a toddler is awesome!

The best part of being here is seeing his personality blossom. There was a moment when the coach called them to one side but I noticed Urijah held back. Turns out that a teammate had fallen and he stopped to help. I watched him place his ball down, pick her up and smile as they both kicked their balls to join the team for more drills.

- - - - - >

Zuri woke up from her nap and so I'm finishing this later in the evening.

Now about that good deed. I had made a note to congratulate Urijah. And boy did he beam with joy by hearing that I saw his act of kindness. I went on to tell him that that's exactly how Jesus Christ would want us to act. And that he played well but the most important part was how he showed love and care for his teammates. I'll admit that I am ridiculously proud of my little guy and pray that he remains acutely sensitive by serving those around him.







Monday 19 September 2016

Good thoughts

So here's the thing with negativity. Once you entertain one lousy thought, then your mind attacks you with a billion more such thoughts.

For the last few days I've been muddling in some self doubt and general unhealthy mental behavior. Comparing myself to others and feeling rather crummy about life. It took a phone call to a friend as well as my mom to help me gain some perspective. Talking my feelings through helped me think in a more sensible way. Life is not happening to me, it is happening for me.

An easy prayer is to ask that all trials be removed so that we can have joy. Right? But maybe instead of the trial being removed, how about praying for the ability to endure with joy. I'm guilty of wanting the problem to be over in order to learn the lesson. But now I'm trying something new, to think of every and any trial as a planned gift that is brought into my life for a purpose. Be it to learn to become more understanding, more sincere, more appreciative...

To become someone I can be proud of. Someone whom my Heavenly Father can be proud of.

And such thoughts have the power to re arrange your mind into a place of better understanding. I'm so glad to have finally moved on from that negative space and to be seeing my life through eyes of gratitude again.

And here are some pictures of moments I'd like to remember for an eternity. From watching the kids play in the garden as I wash the dishes. To seeing them enjoy a chocolate chip cookie on a warm autumn afternoon right after Urijah made my day: he saw me deep in thought, rode his scooter towards me and said "oh mommy, before I forget, um Jesus Christ told me to tell you that He loves you" and then he rode off. Yep, melted my heart! These are moments I treasure. Even witnessing their deep interest in catching worms.

Here's to treating ourselves better and knowing that we are all loved by Him who created the heavens and the earth.