Ma

My breathing has been rather shallow today and so has my outlook on life. Sometimes I struggle with being so far away from my family. And when that happens I find fault in everything and everyone (very childish I know). The great thing about folks who've known you your whole life is that there is no need for niceties or pretense. You don't have to explain who you are.

I guess deep down inside I'm still a waspish teenager who's learning the proper way of behaving around adults. Such hard work. I don't always get it right as my mouth has a habit of releasing my thoughts. And this is often not a bright thing to do. Goodness I need to grow up.

And I know that when my mother reads this she'll write and tell me to relax, to take a deep breath and to be present in my new life. I miss you ma. I miss Zintle and Sbu. I miss our candid conversations. I miss speaking till you fall asleep. I miss the attention you give us. I never knew that I'd one day crave my mother's attention. I hope I never took you for granted. You're a wonderful mother and I'm proud of how you raised us. You did good and are doing so well with Zintle too. She's so blessed to have every day with you. Thank you for putting up with my moods. I know it must not have been easy for you. Thank you for never giving up on me. And for telling me to return to church. If it wasn't for your prayers life wouldn't be as it is. You are beautiful. You really are the greatest mother in all the world. I want you to know that every day I work hard to make you proud. Sometimes I achieve this and other times not but even still I know that you'll conitinue to love me. I love you. Mama you are love. Please know that your prayers will be answered. Because you continue to be an answer to many prayers. Baby boy just woke up. He loves you too. And don't worry I'm not crying. Well, I wasn't until now.